What Am I Feeling? Part One

QuestioningThis little question, “What am I feeling?” opens up a discussion far too vast for this tiny little post to properly address, but despite this obvious limitation, this post is still valuable because it can act as a beginning. It can act as a beginning, and it can act as a reminder, a reminder that knowing what you’re feeling is an important, even an essential part of a successful loving relationship.

And if, at this particular time of reading, you are experiencing a few bumps in your relationship, asking yourself this question, and then attempting to answer it, can move you closer to resolving those troubles and returning your relationship to a state of smooth sailing.

To begin this beginning properly, I have to point out that to answer this question, to discover what you are feeling, you do indeed have to feel your feelings. To many, this is obvious, but there are few people out there who think they can answerLooking this question without actually feeling their feelings. These people think they can just look at their relationship and then decide how they should be feeling. Then they declare without an ounce of anger that, “I am feeling angry.” But even if their evaluation is bang on, there is no way of getting around it, to truly know what you’re feeling you have to feel your feelings. But like many other things in life, this is easier said then done.

You see, those people who opt to evaluate how they should be feeling, rather than actually feeling their feelings often do so not out of some kind of malevolence, but because they have become separated from their emotions, and they are not alone.

We each have our own unique ways of separating ourselves from our emotions. And we each selectively choose which separatedemotions, among the full range of emotion, to stay connected to and which to separate from. We have already chosen, even if that choice is by default, which emotions to keep at a distance, and we each have our own unique ways of maintaining that distance. But then the question is put, “What are you feeling?” It is no wonder that we can suddenly find ourselves at a bit of a loss in answering, even when we know how essential it is.

This is where outside help can be invaluable. Whether that is going to a counsellor individually or with your partner, or by using the B-Sort, getting an outside perspective can help you reconnect with what you are feeling. And for those of you who have no problem feeling your feelings, an outside perspective can help you to clarify your feelings, and it can help you give them priority.

Reconnecting, clarifying, prioritizing your feelings – an outside perspective can absolutely help you with this, but it is valuable to be able to do this yourself. It is valuable to be able to respond to the question, “What am I feeling?” all by yourself.

To be continued…

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