I have not been blogging for a while now. My last entry was when I was still dealing with the infection of my eyes. I was able to recover in time to attend a long-planned-for conference in Manchester, England. After the conference one of my friends from the conference and I took the Chunnel over to Paris for a mini holiday. Paris was hot! I got back late last Thursday (sooner than my luggage) and have been recovering from jet lag and general after-holiday-letdown. So that is why I have not been blogging.
One of the things that my illness taught me was that I’m working too hard. The only way I could be stopped from working at my private practice, blogging, playing tennis, driving, reading, watching TV and using the computer would be to shut down my eyes. Even going for a walk was difficult because although I could see, everything was blurry. My brain kept trying to focus my eyes and was scrambled from the strain. Because I was contagious I could not see anyone. I quarantined myself and spent a lot of time alone. I could talk on the phone and did. My friends were a good support. Not being able to do things forced me to stop and think about my life and what is going on. Having nothing to do, or rather, having nothing I could do, was wonderful. What a change! What relief! The pressure was off. I slept a lot. I’m enjoying the blogging yet trying to do two blogs a week, as well as work full time, is a lot. And there’s having a life too.
I attend this particular conference, AAGT (the Association for the Advancement of Gestalt Therapy) every two years. Usually I do a workshop or two at the conferences. I tried to put in a proposal but the deadline came and went and I just could not get it done. I took that to mean I was not meant to do a workshop this time. There’s the universe sending me messages again. So, because I had done so much work on the last conference I decided to attend the conference and do nothing. I still went to workshops and attended activities but without any expectation or demands on myself. By doing that I had a different experience than I usually have. I enjoyed the conference much more and I got more out of the workshops. I was actually inspired by one workshop and have been acting on the inspiration.
In both cases doing ‘nothing’ because I couldn’t or because I chose to, resulted in my realizing that I need to take a look at my life and make some changes. Retirement is not in my vocabulary (it may be for others but not for me) but I do not want to keep working as hard as I have been.
The universe is very wise. I’m listening to it.
With care and concern,
Dr. Bea