The Dreaded Valentine’s Day

For people who are conflicted about remaining in their relationship, Valentine’s Day can be a day to dread, along with anniversaries and family holidays. The conflict people already feel is escalated trying to figure out what to do about it.

Do you try to ignore it? Maybe arrange to be out of town on business or visiting relatives. Do you fake it – pretend everything is fine in the relationship? Buy a loving card, gift and arrange to eat out? Send flowers? But that means giving your partner false hope. You don’t want to do that either. But mostly, you don’t want to fight about it because that will just be painful.

What to do? What to do? What to do?

If you were my client I would work with you to find out what works best for you given your situation. However, since that is not an option, here is another possibiltiy.

Be congruent. It is usually best to be congruent. Tell your partner that you are not feeling good about the relationship right now and you would like to be low key about how the two of you celebrate it. Suggest that you go to a (non romantic) movie together.

For today, get through the day as best you can. For tomorrow, (i.e. the near future), what you need to do is resolve your inner conflict about your relationship. Try your best to repair it, because if you are able to, it will be worth it. Couples who overcome adversity have stronger happier marriages. And, if you are unable to, you will know you did everything you could before you gave up. Then start taking the actions required to end it.

With care and concern,

Dr. Bea Mackay

Do it Yourself Relationship Help at

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