Posts Tagged ‘lie’

Triangulation Part 4: An Affair to Forget

triangulation 4

Elizabeth was in her late 20s.  She came to therapy because she was married and having an affair for 5 years.  She wanted to have children, but knew she couldn’t until she resolved her current dilemma.  It went against her own standards and values to be having an affair.  She had tried to stop it, but she had not been able to.  She was conflicted about leaving her marriage.  During Two-You Work around her conflict, an early recollection emerged.  At age 4, she remembers attending her younger sister’s funeral.  Across the graveside, she could see the pain etched on her father’s face.  Her father had accidentally backed over her sister with the car and killed her.  Somehow, as a 4 year old,  she decided not to have children because if ever she lost one, the pain would be too great.  By having the affair she was in effect blocking her natural desire to have children of her own.  Once this early recollection was brought to her awareness and was processed, Elizabeth was able to make changes in her life.  She left her husband and explored a permanent relationship with her lover. This did not work out.  She and her husband reconciled.  When Elizabeth quit therapy she was pregnant and happily expecting her first child.

An affair is often the result of triangulation.  In Elizabeth’s case, she triangulated a lover to unconsciously prevent her from having children.  Her injunction about not having children resulted from a repressed trauma at age 4.  She had never healed from the trauma and operated out of her awareness.  She could not do anything about what she did not know.

This example shows how important it is to access and heal traumas from the past.  This can be done in part by talking about the past.

With care and concern,

Dr. Bea