Reader Comment: Longing For Love

Dear Dr.B,
I have been single for over 10 years having had a somewhat meaningful marriage with 3 wonderful grown children. Apart from explaining HOW the marriage dissolved, I am perplexed of just how the dating game evolves when you are all of a sudden in your 6th decade!! I feel like I am a normal kind of girl….I am young at heart,educated and successful in business, nice looking,resourceful,entertaining, and always looking for new opportunities to challenge me.
I have tried professional dating services in the past, including even Internet dating sites. Only by coaxing! My question is simply this…..are there no real honest men “out there” actually interested in persuing a friendship, maybe leading into something more meaningful?
Am I too powerful, too accomplished, too independent? Do men my age,these days ,only need someone to pick up their smelly socks? ….or needing to show off a “trophie” half their age?
Please give me guidance on whether I should ‘change’ my first impression of myself to suit them? No, I’d say.That would backfire. Am I too picky? What are the ‘golden’ boys looking for, and how can I be more marketable?
I also don’t believe I HAVE to have a man in my life, or be married, to be complete. I simply WANT a strong and genuine relationship to enhance my retired and best years of my life…with no game playing…
Signed, Concerned and Frustrated.

Dear Longing for Love,

It’s true that finding love is difficult. In late teens and 20s there is a large pool of people to choose from. As we age that pool gets smaller and smaller. There are many good men ‘out there’ that you would not want to be romantically involved with because you just don’t ‘click’ with them. It is very difficult to find someone that you want to live that intimately with for the rest of your life. Even younger people these days are finding it difficult to find ‘the one’ and many are settling for ‘the one right now’. For a woman in her 60’s the pool of potential partners is small. There are many mature women who are vibrant, interesting and fun yet are single, not by choice but because they cannot find partners. It is good that you do not NEED a partner. You are more likely to find one.

If you have not done so already, you might consider relationships from your past – someone you once ‘clicked’ with. Many people are reconnecting with former lovers and re-finding love. The divorce rate for people who were sweethearts and/or lovers 15-20-30 years ago and marry is only 3-4%.

Be open to a relationship. Ask your good friends to give you feedback as to whether or not you act open. Sometimes we think we are open when we are not.

Keep doing what you are doing – engaging in activities that you enjoy, exploring the dating sites and connecting with other interesting people, male and female. That way you continue to live life to the fullest and have more chance of meeting someone, or a friend of someone, who enjoys life the way you do.

Good luck,

Dr. Bea Mackay

Do it Yourself Relationship Help at

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