There is a type of Selfishness that is Healthy.

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It’s all about me, not you.

One way is to be selfish is to think only about yourself and not care about others.You do what you want to do and not do what you don’t want to do. You stand up for yourself and to heck with others. You take care of yourself. You go where you want. You are number one and everyone else comes after you. You don’t care who is inconvenienced by your wants and needs. You don’t care who is hurt, troubled or made sick by your actions. You don’t consider others as you go about taking care of you, unless of course, they can be useful to you. This is unhealthy selfishness.

It’s about me, and I consider you too.

Healthy selfishness is taking care of yourself and considering other people as you do so. You do what you want and don’t do what you don’t want, considering others while you do so. You stand up for yourself in such a way that is respectful of others. You hold your own with others in firm diplomatic ways. You keep clear boundaries between you and others in a respectful manner. You collaborate with others so they get what they want too.

It is important to look after yourself. When you travel on an airplane the flight attendants say, “If the oxygen masks drop down, parents are to put on their own masks before they help their children.” In others words, parents can best help their children if they take care of themselves first.If you really want to take care of others take good care of yourself first, you will be better able to do so.

When people are selfish and don’t consider others there is a negative ripple effect outward that impacts everyone around them. When you are selfish in a healthy way, however,  there is a positive ripple effect outward from yourself to others. You have a positive impact upon everyone around you, close family, friends, neighbours, co-workers, acquaintances and strangers. Others are more likely to be positive in response. It’s a win-win situation.

It’s not at all about me, only you.

Selflessness is about losing oneself by making others a priority. Selfless people do not take care of themselves. They neglect themselves by always thinking of others and what they can do for them, what they can give them. They sacrifice their time, energy, hopes and dreams so others can have what they want. Selfless people often get sick because they don’t take care of themselves. Selfless people often become resentful because they sacrifice so much for others and others do not reciprocate.

Take care of yourself,

Dr. Bea

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