Comments on: The Death of each Parent is a Life Experience http://decisionquiz.com/the-death-of-each-parent-is-a-life-experience/ Card Sort Quizzes to Help You Make Your Decision Tue, 05 Jul 2011 04:21:57 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Janyse http://decisionquiz.com/the-death-of-each-parent-is-a-life-experience/comment-page-1/#comment-49 Janyse Sat, 22 Aug 2009 17:15:34 +0000 http://decisionquiz.com/?p=524#comment-49 That is so true about connecting with your parents before they die. I recently decided to visit my parents and take the time to stay longer than I usually do because of work. My father is 93 and my mother is 87. I always felt closer to my father and in these last years because my grandfather died at 92 and (I was close to him) I could feel this anticipatory grief happening. In the past couple of years I didn't want to go to any celebrations, because I thought if I go then he will go and die and although it was irrational I realized I was fearing his death and feeling alone again. So I took the time to spend a couple of weeks caretaking my parents fully. I have 6 siblings and for the first time I was alone with my parents. It was tiring work as my mother had a stroke, all on her left side, and there was much care to do. But as we settled into being with each other I began to see them just as two individuals. My father made a lot of jokes and made my mother laugh and my mother still told stories of how my father wasn't living up to her expectations.Of course I would still oint out how he is now caretaking and he is now planting flowers tec. which he never did before. We laughed together and cried together. My dad and I cleaned the garage out and he told me how he always wanted the boys to help him , and here I was doing this with him. We went to Macdonalds and had french fries and coffee everyday after we went for groceries and spent time together, sometimes talking and sometimes just being quiet like being with my grandpa. My mom and I watched all the old romance shows on TV and cried together when someones heart was broken. And I cooked everything I could think of for them to make it good. We even went out for lunch in the handy dart and I took her and her wheel chair to Iga because she had not seen it for 14 years..And we went through all her cards she got from everyone, she had so many friends ( who of course have died) and she told stories about them.They all said what a great friend she was and she told me how great they were. And when it was time to go I didn't want to leave them and they thanked me and said it was the best visit and I told them it meant the most to me to have them alone and be with them( even though I was tired.)I felt a new kind of connection sort of like the connection I had when I was very little (safe) only now I was older and I could be able to help them and support them emotionally whereas when I was little I couldn't. I came back the next month for a few weeks and once again we resumed our visit and we all had a good time. and now I am back here and they are waiting for me to come back again. There is so much I learned about them and I realized so many things about life, getting older making things good, and realizing how important your parents are and that they are just plain people with limited tools, who have needs to be recognized and to be remembered for doing the best they could. That is so true about connecting with your parents before they die. I recently decided to visit my parents and take the time to stay longer than I usually do because of work. My father is 93 and my mother is 87. I always felt closer to my father and in these last years because my grandfather died at 92 and (I was close to him) I could feel this anticipatory grief happening.
In the past couple of years I didn’t want to go to any celebrations, because I thought if I go then he will go and die and although it was irrational I realized I was fearing his death and feeling alone again.
So I took the time to spend a couple of weeks caretaking my parents fully. I have 6 siblings and for the first time I was alone with my parents. It was tiring work as my mother had a stroke, all on her left side, and there was much care to do. But as we settled into being with each other I began to see them just as two individuals. My father made a lot of jokes and made my mother laugh and my mother still told stories of how my father wasn’t living up to her expectations.Of course I would still oint out how he is now caretaking and he is now planting flowers tec. which he never did before. We laughed together and cried together. My dad and I cleaned the garage out and he told me how he always wanted the boys to help him , and here I was doing this with him. We went to Macdonalds and had french fries and coffee everyday after we went for groceries and spent time together, sometimes talking and sometimes just being quiet like being with my grandpa. My mom and I watched all the old romance shows on TV and cried together when someones heart was broken. And I cooked everything I could think of for them to make it good. We even went out for lunch in the handy dart and I took her and her wheel chair to Iga because she had not seen it for 14 years..And we went through all her cards she got from everyone, she had so many friends ( who of course have died) and she told stories about them.They all said what a great friend she was and she told me how great they were. And when it was time to go I didn’t want to leave them and they thanked me and said it was the best visit and I told them it meant the most to me to have them alone and be with them( even though I was tired.)I felt a new kind of connection
sort of like the connection I had when I was very little (safe) only now I was older and I could be able to help them and support them emotionally whereas when I was little I couldn’t.

I came back the next month for a few weeks and once again we resumed our visit and we all had a good time. and now I am back here and they are waiting for me to come back again. There is so much I learned about them and I realized so many things about life, getting older making things good, and realizing how important your parents are and that they are just plain people with limited tools, who have needs to be recognized and to be remembered for doing the best they could.

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